Alyshia smith - flash fics

[Admin]

Human
Flowers dancing on air, cool breezes tousling my hair. The sun shines pale yellow, cheerful and merry. I should feel happy, I should feel content. But I don’t. I have something on my chest, weighing me down. I can’t breathe, I panic. Thrashing out I struggle to break the surface, to breathe.
Demon
I take hold of her, squeezing her till she stops struggling. Then I slip into her skin and take over. Her life is mine now. Her family and friends cannot comprehend why their sweet little girl is lashing out biting, hitting, cursing. Shock therapy and medication follow, fueling me with fear and chemicals. It seems her lovely mother has called a priest….let the games begin.
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Husband …
The electric shock of skin against skin; anticipation rising. Somewhere there as a smoke alarm ringing, dinner was burning. Still they didn’t stop, to lost in the moment to notice something so trivial. A foot kicked out at the stereo, arms knocked over dishes, bodies slammed against walls chipping paint and knocking down pictures of loved ones. But still they did not stop.
….and Wife
The next morning she drives back to her home. There’s been a fire. All she has ever worked for is in ashes. Her husband, her husband was home last night. Days later she gets a call, there were two bodies and one was a woman. She suddenly felt less mournful.
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Asmodeus
My name is lust. I am the one who possesses you, who speeds your breath, who makes you break oout into cold sweats. Whether the object of your desire is close or far I will fuel your fantasy. I am not to be feared embrace me, love me for I am as much a part of you as your virtues. Without me life would be bland, tasteless. Nights would be cold and lonely. There would be no whispered words in the darkness, no secret trysts to remember when your old.
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Mammon
Greed is good. I run Wall Street, Capitol Hill, and your kitchen table. Whenever you make a decision I’m the one whispering in your ear, reminding you of what’s in it for you. I push you towards opportunity and wealth. I’m the one sitting in our bank account with a grin on my face patting myself for a job well done. I don’t care about anyone else, just you.
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Lucifer – do you feel that swell in your chest? That sense of accomplishment when you create something? That’s me; I walk hand in hand with greed and envy, showing you your strengths. Your pride gives me substance, form. When you embrace your ego I swell, filling you. Never forget your abilities, your talents. They are the source of your self-admiration. Your mother, your father, your teachers and mentors, they did not understand you; I do. I am so very proud of you.
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Leviathan – I am the green eyed monster. Your great champion, for whom better to have recognition and fame than you? Why should anyone else receive what is rightfully yours? How dare they have what you do not! I will fight for you, I will give you the drive to take what is yours, through whatever means necessary.
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Beelzebub – I am the voice that says more. The hunger you can never sate and the thirst you cannot quench. I sit in your belly expanding and contracting. I plague everyone from the 600 pound man on your television to the models in you magazine. You can never be rid of me, I am always there. I give you what you crave late at night, in the white light of your refrigerator you can see what I really am. A great green beast with no form, no face of my own… only a mirror.
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Behemoth – I am fury and anger. When you smell gunpowder and blood I am near. I relish in your games and films with their violence and gore. I feed off of your acrimony and hate, and nothing is sweeter than your wrath. When you feel your cheeks coloring, that tightening in the pit of your stomach I am the one whispering in your ear, urging you on. I will lend you my strength when you fight. Feel the adrenaline in your veins, hear it singing? Delicious.
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Belphegor – Why work? You’ll only have to do it all over again. The couch looks so comfortable or even better the bed. I’m so tired, so tired. I know there’s work to do but it would be easier to just play some Skyrim.

[AndrewOusama]

Okay. So, I really like the ideas behind this flash-fiction. I believe you read this in club last year, no? Anyways, I enjoyed the writing very much because it sort of coaxed you into reading it, as if the writing itself was a sin. However, sometimes the ends of the sections I felt were almost too quick and didn't seem to suit the overall mood. For example, the first section about the possession ends with the sentence "It seems her lovely mother has called a priest...let the games begin." I feel like that isn't how a demon would say this. I find the expression "let the games begin" is a little cliche is all.

OVERALL: good writing, maybe take another look at the endings to make them less sudden.